Happy New Year! 

(about 3 weeks late, but oh well)

It took me this long because I had so much to say for this particular new year. In fact, I don't think I have still managed to collect all my thoughts but I wanted to pen down whatever I could before I got occupied with the new semester and also before my unreliable memory did a number on me.

2020 - can you believe it? I feel incredibly humbled that Allah has blessed me to witness yet another decade unfold. 2010-2020 was INSANE: when Deepika and Ranveer got married and Baby Shark became a household favourite; oh and the time when Google and Facebook knew our secrets way before we knew them ourselves.  Talking of my life specifically, I have tried to categorize the important events that took place and I couldn't shortlist much except for the fact that it was a true rollercoaster. In the following (few) lines, I aim to summarize the lessons, the struggles and the blessings that I experienced this last decade! 

Personal (Inside scoop on relationships, the bachas and myself): 

While some things are subject to censorship in the fear of societal suicide and I must refrain from disclosing all of it as is, the biggest lesson I learnt was that blood is NOT always thicker than water. 

This decade taught me to live independently. It wasn't always the ideal scenario (it really wasn't and it still isn't in many aspects) but it taught me to fend for myself. I couldn't have done it without some of the most amazing human beings on this planet. Allah has blessed me with the most magnificent support system, who have taken care of me like no one can imagine. From medical emergencies to adopting me full-heartedly, from being available whenever needed to arguing and fighting like true siblings, from providing me with basic necessities to spoiling me with luxuries, I can confidently say that Allah sent them down to me like guardian angels. In every new walk of life, I would find someone who would coincidentally make that part of my life more enjoyable and comfortable and then be added to my forever increasing bandwagon of loved ones, i.e. the BFFs 

In all reality, I formed many friendships that didn't last also. Some just fizzled away while others caused severe heartbreak. I am a sensitive person who gets attached fairly quickly. I try to gather people around me to make my own big happy family but when it doesn't always go the Hum Sath Sath Hain way, I break down. It took me possibly a decade to learn that my ideologies of never-ending friendships were unrealistic and that there is always behtri in Allah's ways. However, to those who did leave, I want to just thank you for being there when I needed you and if you ever helped me in any way, it will always be acknowledged and appreciated. 

This decade was heartbreaking in other ways too. I don't know if it was just a product of growing up or if the number of deaths just multiplied in the blink of an eye but the recurrent news of a loved one passing away was a reality check along the way. Young, old, a lot of people left us for the final abode. People I knew from too close, people I knew of and strangers. Some due to ailments, some due to unimaginable catastrophes. Death is something one can honestly never process fully. My heart and prayers go out to anyone and everyone who has lost a loved one. May your soul find some peace. 

On an apt note: 

Here's to the ones that we got

Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not

'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories

While we continue to mourn our losses, this decade gave us multiple events to rejoice new life. This decade made me Mady Khala. MashaAllah for being blessed with over a dozen nephews and nieces. By now, I am sure that everyone on my social media already knows about the uncountable little monkeys that brighten my days in their unique special ways.  The smiles, laughter and antics are something I am grateful for, day in and day out. Their existence has only made my love for babies and little ones deeper! 

Amidst a long list of ailments, I was diagnosed with and, would say, successfully combatted clinical depression, panic attacks, and anxiety. I am still susceptible to some triggers (such as my travel anxiety) but I try to not let it get the best of me. I gained weight, lost weight, gained weight; the weight cycle pretty much reigned my life like the Queen. I let society highlight my failures and let my weaknesses and failings define me for the longest time.  I don't know if I have overcome this yet but I am trying. 

After years of saving up and waiting for the right moment, I did my first solo travel as a gift to myself for my 30th birthday - what a truly liberating experience! It rekindled the love of travel in me and I have been trying to do as much as I can, every chance I get!

And lastly (for this section, I do realize how long this has already become), my biggest personal achievement would be rediscovering my faith, adding up the events of my life that resultantly strengthened that faith. I thank Allah for the hurdles and the mistakes for without them I couldn't have realized the magnitude of the blessings. Alhamdulillah!

Professional (Serious shizz: Academics and Career) 

Hopefully, I can keep this one precise and to the point (should I just insert my resume here?)

I graduated from NUST with a degree in Economics (bohat mushkil say) only to realize that this wasn't my true calling. Working in an intimate but quality school setup awakened my love of teaching. The passion for Early Childhood education began nearly 8 years ago and I hope to take it to the next level once I am back in Pakistan. Discovering a hidden passion and choosing it to be my career, regardless of its low economic and future growth has been a mode of immense satisfaction and reward for me. I hope and pray that I continue to find pleasure in this field for times to come. 

Not too long ago, I started this blog. It became my outlet, like a diary where I could record memories and also rant when and if required. You can even say it is like a plan B for when I don't have anyone to vent to. I have always worked with Plan Bs - side jobs, online jobs, business startups, competitions, trying to work in the UAE and applying for a gazillion scholarships. Some of these helped keep me afloat (like I said, Allah's plans are unbelievable), others only helped me realize where to look next. 

I applied for the Fulbright 3 times, and 2 of those 3 times I ended up on the alternate candidate list. I got admitted to the world's top early childhood education programs in NYU and Columbia in the process but didn't end up there. I always asked Allah why He couldn't just accept my prayers and send me to one of them. How difficult it is to trust Allah's plan! 

In the last year of this decade, Allah gifted me with this amazing opportunity. I am here now. Studying something I have been so passionate about for more than half a decade. It took me lots of not-giving-up to get here and all I can say is Alhamdulillah. What most people see though, is just this. Where I am now. What most people don't see are the number of sleepless nights, innumerable tears and the height of despair behind where I am today. Oh I wish I could go into details (possibly a separate post?) but for now, let me sign off on this note:

Alhamdulillah for 2010-2020. So many mistakes to learn from, nightmares that need to be forgotten, fondest memories to treasure, the smallest things to be grateful for.

May 2020 bring prosperity and peace, to you and the world. Ameen.